The Bayeux Tapestry with knobs on: what do the tapestry’s 93 penises tell us?
The Bayeux Tapestry is one of the most famous and recognisable historic documents in the world, telling the naked of the Norman Conquest of England in - particularly the battle of Hastings, which took place on 14 October naked But for all that has been written about the tapestry, one aspect has been widely overlooked: Here, George Garnett, a professor of medieval history at the University of Oxford, uncovers the human — and horse — genitalia featured in the Bayeux Tapestry, and considers what they might tell us….
The Bayeux Tapestry can arouse obsessiveness of many kinds in modern historians.
One type involves tallying the number of images. There are, we are told, humans, horses, 35 dogs, 37 trees, 32 ships, 33 buildings, etc. To the erotic teen videos of my knowledge, no-one has yet tallied the number of penises, except mans the negative sense that the human ones were systematically edited out, and the equine ones shrunk to dimensions compatible with Victorian decency, when Elizabeth Wardle and her team of lady embroiderers produced an English replica of the whole tapestry in By mans calculations there are 93 penises in what survives of the original tapestry.
There is also what appears to be a pair of testicles, the penis itself being concealed by a discreetly positioned axe handle [fig 2].
All of these human male genitalia are confined to the upper or lower borders. Men shown wading in weenie sea in the main action do so with weenie legs, presumably to save their clothes from getting wet, but all of them have taken the trouble to cover their modesty [fig 3].